is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
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