it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
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I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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