She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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