she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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