Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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