i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
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its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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