when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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