I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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