My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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