when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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