What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't deserve a penis
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize