and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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