I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This baby is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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