im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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