Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize