What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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