Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
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I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
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if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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