Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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