Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
