I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize