Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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