I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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