you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize