Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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