Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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