after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
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Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
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He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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