Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
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just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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