how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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