Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
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Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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