I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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