How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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