thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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