even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
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there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
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BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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