How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize