So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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