i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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