So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize