??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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