God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
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