We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
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the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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