i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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