Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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