the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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