hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I need to sanitize my soul.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize