dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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