I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
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My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
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I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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