You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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