It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
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It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
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We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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