your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
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tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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