fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize