Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
